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Scattered Morning 03.22.22

Updated: Sep 20, 2023

It’s been a crazy morning and it’s only 12:30.

My daughter is home sick. She’s been curled up in bed watching all the annoying tv shows she can find. I don’t care how much screen time she gets today, at least she’s resting.

The puppy was sick again yesterday. The adorable dumb ass keeps eating things he shouldn’t. Lots of laundry yesterday and we threw away half of his toys. He likes the stuffing. 🤦‍♀️

I haven’t been able to eat much today. My anxiety is crazy high the last few weeks. It’s making me tired and jittery which fucking sucks. Today I’ve had a slice of toast, an oatmeal cream pie, and a slice of American cheese. I don’t have the spoons to make anything else. Sigh.

I managed to schedule out April’s social media posts for Facebook. Repetitive boring tasks are soothing for days when my brain is being an asshole. I get the dopamine from checking things off a to do list without losing any spoons.

At noon the puppy started whining to go out. So I hopped in the shower. Because I have been wearing mostly pajamas for three days and I can’t stand the thought of being seen in them again. Not that anyone would see me because most of my neighbors are at work. But this thought bugged me enough to make me shower and get dressed. Although I just put on the tired mom uniform of black leggings and a sweatshirt. No clue why my brain says that is so much better than flannel pajama pants.

{Side quest. Why don’t they make pajama pants that could pass as real pants? I feel like there a huge market for this. Just black flannel pants with pockets. Elastic waist & draw string. I bet if I look that up on Amazon it exists. Also. I have to buy men’s pajama pants because women’s pajamas are like 6 inches too short. I am not that fucking tall. Get your shit together clothing manufacturers!}

Also, while in the shower I decided to scrub down the walls. I keep a sponge in there for this exact purpose. The shower is old and nasty and never totally clean because it’s used by five humans daily. I fight the uphill battle when I feel inspired. Obviously a quick shower before taking the puppy out is the perfect time to clean the walls. Quick shower wasn’t as quick as it could’ve been, but at least the walls are cleaner…ish. Shiny squirrel syndrome means I can switch tasks quickly but it‘s not always a blessing.

So I didn’t take the puppy out for an extra half hour because I was anxious about being seen in flannel pj’s by neighbors who aren’t home. My fucking brain is exhausting some days. And for the record this is better than in years past before I was diagnosed with ADHD and given medication. I used to be so paralyzed by this overwhelm that I couldn’t do anything. I still flounder often but at least I am kinder to myself about it. Because I used to shame myself for days like today where I’ve spun my wheels until they were flat.

Puppy was fine btw in case you were worried. He just didn’t want to nap anymore. He’s at that annoying toddler stage. While I’m writing this he is squeaking an obnoxiously loud toy right next to me. Soundtrack of my life lately. Squeak. Squeak.

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